THE PRIZE

by Pastor Richard Gazowsky

"Son, you're now perfect" The voice that was speaking to me was familiar in a way that causes a baby to stop crying when it hears voice of its mother, but it's message was completely unexpected. To any observing intelligent reasonably articulate person I was completely discombobulated in personal appearance and career performance. I had been weeping for the last 30 minutes like a pregnant woman who is groaning at birth, mighty rivers of tears of repentance had cascaded down my face cutting through my granite rock like self will similar to the actions of the Colorado River forming the mighty fractured breach revealing a grand canyon of emptiness waiting for the redemption of His perfect will. I also am aware that God chooses those persons of great resolve and capacity to bear the great volume of His objective, the recent revelation of my own narcissistic intentions woven in my own heart taught me the necessity of crushing into powder my ever present titanium will. This I was finally convinced was totally impossible for me, by my will, or by my actions to accomplish so I finally turned it over to him.

To some this may sound easy, and I must admit they are right, but when you place personal accomplishments, intelligence no matter how it is obtained, and of course the greatest obstacle of all, pride, it becomes the rarest of all objectives that mankind can seek and that is, perfection.

When my wife Sandy gave birth to our daughter Rocki starr she was in labor for 8 hours, it was so intense to my sympathy pains that I could not face the groanings of labor with her. In a near by hospital waiting room my fist pounded despairingly against the wall, where I am sure the plaster is probably still weak even until today. Oh the joy that was set before us in the fact that that little girl was our child, when Sandy and I looked upon her face we saw elements sandy's cuddling love in Rockies tiny smile, and traces of my Choir directing skills in the movement of her craftily moving delicate hand, it came to me name her, Rocki Starr (moralizing her call to music). When Sandy and I saw a reflection of our personal attributes we knew she was an excellent mixture of us, "Perfection". When gold is purify the Goldsmith can see his own reflection in the Gold it is like a mirror, this is why the Lord's message to the Laodicean church of the last age is, "buy of me the gold that is tried in the fire." You will find fire is important.

Our second child was unique and different in every way, our little angel was born premature. The labor was much shorter and when the tiny angel came out in the lovingly steady doctor's hands she was still in the unbroken water sack like an egg, this is called by ancient religious site full ones a vail born baby. I was familiar with the term because my mother who is Pastor of our church in San Francisco was also a vail born baby. So we named her Misty which means to be covered, her middle name is Déjà Vu we have been here before. And like I said she was completely different in every way but such an expression of our union as husband and wife, how's the little tiny 4.7 pound princess quietly sleeping on my chest I could see every feature traces of my wife and myself down to the way she breathed when she slept, she was,"perfect."

My son was and astonishingly different story his birth was full of joy and revelry because we had two beautiful daughters but now we had a son, at the time I was personally struggling with many inherent difficulties that were a part of my personality. So when it came to the point of giving him a name the last thing I wanted was a, "mini me" the struggle with my personal imperfections were overwhelming me. I just could not name him a "junior" so instead I choose to name him the bright Christian son of the lion, "Sunny San Yves" my name Richard means the Lionhearted. 30 years later it has gobsmacked me how totally complete this simple action of naming our children has been guiding our family to a place of maturity and fulfillment. My son son he has the physique of a model, and I have been plagued all of my adult life with being overweight. When I was a young man in my fathers house my dad and my older brother would always mock me as a quitter and this personal flaw tormented me in my early days but none of my children have inherited this flaw, especially my son who is known for his wisdom and steadfastnes. Sandy and I realized that God had made from our mix of DNA perfect specimens of us but our children were perfect, though each one was remarkably and uniquely different. Wow! What a unique revelation man's idea of perfection is to be without flaw but God's expectation and realization of perfection encompasses a whole deeper wisdom in freshness, uniqueness and individuality.

All this contemplation occurred while I was slumped down in my front row seat of the church that I pastor, "A Place To Meet Jesus" and the voice that I heard in my heart was the Lord himself. I have heard that voice before when he had told me he would stop the rain in Africa, and he did it four days in a row, it was witnessed by 120 members of my congregation that had traveled with me to Africa. Like the Young shepherd boy David who had killed by the power of the Lord, a lion and the bear that was trying to eat his helpless sheep, so the same voice from God was telling David that he could slay the giant Goliath. I also had come to personally know the voice of the Lord in my heart and now that voice was telling me, "son, your perfect". But more importantly to the congregational members that were in church around me was the fact that I heard the Lord say, "the funding will be in the bank to pay off the church's mortgage". Repossessor's were already at the door of our church! God spoke publicly to our church over last few years through the prophets and said that he was going to remove us from the bondage of being in debt. And what I realized through this process was of removing debt was much more than just Financial management. Just as removing slavery from America was much more than the signing of the document the maculation proclamation. To the despair of Abraham Lincoln 600,000 young American men had to die. Through much of my professional life I have known personally, ghost written books for, and have intimately question famous men of God about the question of truly hearing his voice I have a time of great crisis. This this lifelong search became a personal Inquisition cause me to even question my own intellect and it's ability to comprehend such a great concept of God's view of, "perfection". At this point still slumped down in my church seat I closed my eyes and cuddled with the presence of the Lord like a little boy and felt the warm glow of his glory and I knew everything was going to just be all right.

Then I remembered you find the fire is important, the fire is the purifier.

Pastor Richard Gazowsky